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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Finding the perfect Christmas gift...Ten Suggestions

Hello Gentle Readers,

As we're getting closer to that special time when all the young children will eagerly await the opportunity to rip into wrapping paper, adults will dread opening that present from Aunt Edna, and men will wait until Christmas Eve to go shopping....

I thought I would offer some tips on finding that perfect Christmas gift. So, here's a top ten list of my suggestions for that perfect Christmas gift.

10) The Five Santas

Let's get the shameless marketing out of the way straightaway. If that special someone in your life enjoys a good murder mystery...or if you are just having a last minute brain freeze then this gift is perfect. After all, who doesn't want to support their local indie author (Ed. note: I probably don't live near you)

9) Money. Now granted, this is a bit of a cheat, because seriously cash is always the easiest gift to give. It's also the one that both five year old you and thirty-five year old you would both like to have. So, you know, give the gift of greenbacks. know what....that's actually really all you need. If you can't give someone either a copy of The Five Santas or Cash then what are you going to give? Socks?

8) Socks. Those are always good. And seriously, I wanted to make sure this was a list of ten suggestions.

7) The Cult of Koo Kway

Ha, no really this is a great accompaniment. It picks up right where The Five Santas left off, and is a great stocking stuffer.And speaking of stocking stuffers...

6) Fruit! Yes that's right, FRUIT! Look people, you are all in a serious need of some Vitamins, and an orange would not hurt you. Or maybe a satsuma. Even dare I say it, a banana. Bananas are good.

5) Candy. Because seriously, what are you going to do? Just sit around and eat fruit all day? No, of course not! We're Americans! We laugh in the face of good health! So grab those candy canes, Pez dispensers, and those little mints your grandma always leaves out in a bowl. Stuff that in your stocking.

Also, I love when I'm visiting friends with small children, to wait until JUST WHEN I"M LEAVING, to hand out lots of candy. The kids love me, the parents have to deal with sugar-buzzed kids, and I can laugh as I head home to my peace and quiet. Truly it is the most wonderful time of the year.

4) Toilet Paper. Look, unless you are using some untoward magical science, everyone uses toilet tissue, and if you want to do something nice for someone, splurge and buy them the really soft stuff. You know, with the aloe and such. Trust me, they'll have fond memories of you as they're using your special gift.

3) Coupons. Specifically "Service Coupons". Now, most people do like "Free Hugs" or "Wash the Car". But, if you really want to be cheap and give a magical Christmas coupon give "Take down your Christmas decorations". Trust me, I would love that person forever if they volunteered to come over and take my Christmas tree down. And my lights. No, on second thought, I'm going to leave the lights up. It gives the place ambiance.

2) Batteries. Because look, we all have battery operated devices. Remotes, helicopters, LELOs whatever you might have. And it would be nice every once in a while for someone to just buy you a gigantic box of batteries. So, find out what type that special someone in your life needs most, and go get a 100 pack for them. Trust me, much like the toilet paper, they will have fond memories of you when they plug and play.

1) Double-Feature!

Because why not give that special someone not one but TWO books! And then when Christmas 2013 rolls around you can complete their collection with both The Gray Ghost Inn and Racing the Storm!

After all, isn't shameless marketing what Christmas is all about?

From my family to yours, a very wonderful holidays....and barring that the Apocalypse doesn't happen, a happy new year!



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