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Monday, April 22, 2013

Dan Landis' Top Ten Tips for Being a Werewolf: Brought to you by the Into the Light blog tour

Back by popular demand, here is the one and only Dan Landis.

This is not Dan Landis. This is Kendal Tuttle. He is awesome!



Hello Ladies, 

I want to talk to you about something important. Something vital. Something that affects all of us. I'm of course talking about Werewolves.

Dan Landis' Top 10 Tips for Being a Werewolf

1) Know that you're a werewolf. If G.I. Joe has taught us anything, it's that knowing is half the battle. 

And that women in glasses are hot. And probably evil.

So, it's very important to know whether or not you're a werewolf. See, for a certain segment of the population, for a couple of days every month they undergo certain changes. They might get a little angrier, a bit more unmanageable. They might even bite your head off if you get too close. 

A perfectly natural change. 

If this has happened to you or someone you know, well, I have good news. This is entirely manageable. 

Is this the face of a man who would lie to you? Also this is Chris Winters.

2) Be Prepared. Look, being a werewolf, or lycanthropy to use the five dollar word, is a perfectly natural and very common condition. With a little bit of thinking, planning, and attention this is entirely manageable. But you got to BE PREPARED!

And you will now have that song stuck in your head.

I know quite a few werewolves. They are perfectly wonderful people three weeks out of the month, and then someone flips the crazy switch. Trust me, I got my phone programmed with a reminder. You need to brace yourself and those you love for the fun times that are a coming. 

"What do you mean we're out of Nutella?" Trust me, werewolves love Nutella!

3) Have your emergency kit ready. Fellas, believe me, you want to have an emergency kit ready when dealing with a werewolf. I find that a week's worth of chocolate, a bottle of wine, and a romantic movie are always the way to go. 

This flick has saved more lives then an EpiPin.

4) Keep calm. If there's one thing that will always be helpful when dealing with a werewolf, it's to stay calm. Keep your voice low and soothing, be gently supportive, and never let them see you sweat.

They can smell fear. Also aftershave. You may want to skip the extra splash.

5) Distract them! If there's one thing I have learned about werewolves, its that they can turn on a dime. So, use that to your advantage. Change the conversation, ask how that diet is going, or if all else fails jingle your keys in front of them.


6) Leave them alone. I often find that when in doubt, leaving a werewolf alone is the best course of action. They can rest comfortably with a heating pad, and you can avoid having your throat ripped out. Everyone wins. Just, you know, don't leave them too long. I once left a werewolf alone in my apartment, and when I came back all my clothes were burning in my living room. Granted, I had been out with her sister, but still. 

"Why do you never CALLAOOOOH!!!!"

7) Drugs are your friend. Now, I'm not suggesting you play the "Does this rag smell like chlorophorm?" game, but there are certain drugs that do wonders for werewolves. It's a bit trial and error, but when in doubt consult a physician. 

Or just skip to the old standby.

8) Know your surroundings. You may want to sit down for this, because I 've got some bad news. When two or more werewolves are around each other for extended amounts of time, they tend to sync up. You have to understand this, especially if you're the only non-werewolf in the office. It's important to always be aware of your surroundings. And bring enough chocolate for everyone.

It's all fun and games until you run out of Godiva. 

9) Practice active listening. Here's a piece of advice from an old hand: Werewolves just want someone to understand them. Even crazy people need someone to talk to. And if you're a werewolf, make sure you have someone you can rely on to be your friend. Maybe even a snuggle monkey.

Friendship can be found in unlikely places.
10) Never underestimate the power of a good book. You can never go wrong with snuggling up to a good book. Well, besides snuggling up to me.
Ladies. This is not Dan Landis. This is Justin Tully

Hey, did you know you can shop on Amazon directly from Twitter? Click here to find out how!

And speaking of good books...


A vicious serial killer is on the loose in Wisconsin and it's up to the Admiral's Elite to stop him. Admiral Black's second in command, Captain Michael Rossi, has been tasked with finding out who or what the killer is and put an end to his reign of bloodshed while avoiding some pitfalls of his own. Like hiding the fact that he's falling in love with Becca from the admiral who would be sure to use it against them. Ghosts from Gabrielle's past threaten her place with her unit and Ryan's bed.



Local police are puzzled and the town is terrified. The Admiral's Elite must find a killer, stop him without anyone finding out their true identities, and not be torn apart in the process.




HK Savage has been a voracious reader of anything she could get her hands on going back to the second grade when she would set her alarm two hours early to read before school. 

Her passion for the written word has continued and flowed into writing going back nearly as far. Her books have fans in twenty countries on six continents with hopes of attracting attention on Antarctica if for no other reason than to check a box.


Currently, HK is a mother, wife and black belt in Karate as well as an avid dressage rider. Her three dogs: a Doberman puppy and two ancient Doxies keep her busy when she is not writing or working.


HK has been an editor for several newsletters over the years, her favorite being for Heifer International where her ideas were put into effect and complimented by those on high. Currently her editing skills, honed for nearly a decade in advertising media, have been focused on her peers and clients in the writing world as Founder and Editor in Chief of Staccato Publishing and new digital imprint, Darkest Night Publishing.


Paranormal is a favorite genre as well as science fiction and the possibilities we have not yet realized. Her favorite premise: "what if?"


Got books everywhere! And guest blogs here!





 And hey, HK Savage is even donating some books for a good cause! I mean, so is Jay Mims, but he isn't the author that looks like Aunt Becky from Full House.
 


This woman gave me completely unrealistic 
expectations for the sexual appeal of a mullet.

Jay Mims is saving up to buy a sai, and can pat his head and rub his stomach at the same time . He lives with a passive-aggressive Dalek named Steve, and may have a cat named Eartha Kitty. He writes books and is far funnier on Facebook then in real life. He is terrible at Twitter. His next book "The Gray Ghost Inn" is due out Fall 2013. Feel free to email him here. Don't forget to subscribe to the blog for a regular dose of Mimsey.

12 comments:

  1. Mimsy, I adore you and not just because you are the first person to compare me to Aunt Becky. You're right, that show made a lot of people think mullets were going to land them on the right side of a Friday night.
    This is great, you made me laugh out loud as usual. Love it! hope my werewolves are half as entertaining as your description, though it could be argued that Gabrielle (a bada** werewolf in the book) could use a little chocolate, wine, and a movie. -- HK Savage

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    1. Hahaha! You will always be the horseback riding ninja in my heart!

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  2. Oh My God, you never cease to amaze and make me snort coffee all over my laptap at 4AM!!

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    1. Hahaha. Poor thing. Caution, I suppose, must not be read while drinking something in case of a good snort.

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  3. This is both funny and terribly offensive! Great job! (You're in trouble for the shiny bit.)

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  4. Best of luck to Heather!

    And might I add some Advantage to the Werewolf must have kit?

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  5. BAD MIMSEY!! I actually have "Werewolves of London" stuck in my head. ;)

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  6. You have a dalek named Steve? I have a cyberman named Joe.

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    1. I feel like we need to have a road trip!

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