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Friday, February 14, 2014

Dan Landis' Top Tips For Not Being Single AFTER Valentine's Day!

Who better to talk about the magic that is Valentine's Day then everyone's favorite detective, Dan Landis!

Give it up for the one and only!

This is not Dan Landis. This is Justin Tully.

Hello Ladies, 

As you know, today is Valentine’s Day. Or as every single girl I know, and I have quite a few single lady friends, call it: Single Awareness Day. Well to that I say, it’s time to be single no longer. And guys, if you’re single, then this Bud’s for you, too. 

Dan Landis’ Top 10 Tips for not being single after Valentine’s Day

1) Go online. The week after Valentine’s is the biggest boost for online dating sites. To put it in Lady Language, it’s like Black Friday, except it lasts for like a month. Trust me, I’m a detective who specializes in infidelity. Also I investigate cheaters.

 Remember ladies: A disembodied hand is only a few clicks away.

2) Check your friends list. You know what every guy secretly dreams of doing? Besides seducing Swedish super-model cheerleading twins? Getting out of the Friendzone! If you don’t know what the Friendzone is, look it up. You’ll probably be online looking up E-Harmony or Plenty of Fish or Ashley Madison. Lycos that bad boy.

And the view count just went up.

 3) Join a gym. You know what the best part of meeting people at a gym is? They’re all in shape! Or if they’re not in shape, they’re at least trying to be. Just think ladies, it’s a bunch of sexy sweating men who are willing to change. All they need is someone who will see them as a project.

I am vengeance! I am the night! I AM A LIBRA!

4) Take up a hobby. Take up hiking, glee club, theater group…pretty much anything that has mixed company. The important thing is that you’re learning a new skill while having a common interest with complete strangers. It’s a win-win. Unless you’re a Mime. No one dates a Mime. Unless that Mime is Doug Jones.

5) Hit 'em where they ain't. “Wee Willie” Keeler, the famous baseball player used to say ‘Keep your eye clear, and hit ‘em where they ain’t.’ Now he was talking about knocking the ball where there wasn’t a catcher, but I’m here to tell you, single ladies and gents, you got to go where there isn’t a lot of competition. If you’re a lady, try sports. Sports are awesome. Anyone can enjoy a baseball game. It’s America’s pastime. And trust me, even a minor league team like the Tides will be swimming with men.  Guys, you want to find ladies, take up a cooking class. You can meet beautiful, or at least moderately attractive women, and learn how to make Haute Cuisine. 

 A man who can make a three-piece chocolate dessert is a man who will never be single for long.

6) Suit up! If there’s one thing that Neil Patrick Harris has taught us, it’s that there’s nothing better than a suit. You want to get attention, you got to dress for attention. Look good, you’ll feel good, and nothing’s a stronger aphrodisiac then confidence. Well, besides Spanish Fly.

7) Dip your toe into the company pool. Nothing beats a little a good old fashioned office romance. Just take my advice, aim for the single people. You’re dating a co-worker, there’s no point in making it more complicated.

 Just remember, there's a fine line between playful flirting and a meeting with HR.

8) Nerds need love too! Don’t forget ladies, there are plenty of single nerds and geeks out there. They usually have stable jobs, are passionate about their hobbies, and trust me they have a fanatical attention to detail. Think about that for a minute: You’re going to be in a relationship with someone who will memorize all your cheat codes. Instant win every time.

9) Physician, heal thyself. Don’t forget, the common factor in every bad relationship you’ve had was you. Maybe do a self-evaluation, and work on bettering yourself. You never know when that special someone will come along, when the next person you meet might be your soul mate. Or at least a fun weekend in Vermont.

 David Tennant: Always up for a fun weekend in Vermont.

10) Reading is SEXY! Now, if you’re really looking to make yourself attractive, why not expand your horizons with a little reading?
The Gray Ghost Inn.
Jay Mims is but the humble chronicler of Dan Landis and friends. Jay lives in what is currently a slushy farm country, with a passive-aggressive Dalek named Steve, a cat named Meowthazar and a wife he calls The Mimsus. Jay writes books and is far funnier on Facebook then in real life. He is terrible at Twitter. Feel free to email him here.


  1. I so love your posts!! Thanks for the SAD (Single Awareness Day) laughs!

    1. And I love you, Aunt Becky! Thank you for taking a chance on this crazy author!

  2. I especially agree with #5. Girls who can 'speak hockey' in Canada never have trouble getting dates. And it helps to actually LIKE hockey, seeing as how many of those dates are going to be spent watching games. ;)

    1. Or if you don't like it, at least pretend to until you've built enough hockey credits that you can go watch ballet.

  3. You crack me up. Best of luck to all the singles! Hope Dan's tips help.