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Friday, February 7, 2014

Dan Landis' Top Five Tips for Olympics and Desperation Week


Hello Gentle Readers, 

I just realized that the Olympics are a perfect time to meet new people, and a chance for my single readers to reach out and touch someone. Maybe a couple of times.

I don't judge.

That’s right, folks, we only have a week before Singles Awareness Day kicks in. And it's only right that the guy who knows a couple things about reaching out and touching someone, should be the one to talk you through this special time. 

This isn't him. This is Chris Winters
He also knows a thing or two about 
reaching out and touching someone.



Give it up, Ladies and Gentlemen, for the one and only DAN LANDIS!

This isn't Dan Landis either.
He's also glad to reach out and touch someone.

Hello Ladies, 

In what had to be the weirdest text I've ever received from another man, Jay Mims says "Did you know the Olympics and Valentine's Day are going to happen the same week?"

Well, it's true. And if you're single, and don't want to be single next week, then you've come to the right guy. Ladies. 

And if you want to know what a weekend away 
with me is like, check out The Gray Ghost Inn.

So, here's five ways to use Olympics Week to your advantage. 

1) Meet People
They're all here for the Luge

Olympics is a great opportunity to get out and meet people. It's a common event, and unless you live in Nome, Alaska, there's probably a sports bar that is showing the Olympics. Why not go out and meet some new people? 

Can you believe there's a SPORTS BAR in Nome, Alaska? 
This guy can't either!

2) Use the Olympics to break the ice
Unless you are as good-looking as I am, it can sometimes be hard to talk to people. So, why not use the Olympics as a starting point? Here's a couple of my favorite lines: 

Hey, are you Picabo Street? No? Dan Landis, nice to meet you!

And if it is Picabo Street, ask her to stop calling me. 
It's getting awkward. 

What do you think the Jamaican Bobsled team's chances are? 

Really, any opportunity to reference Cool Runnings 
is worth taking!

3) Olympics as a conversation piece

The hardest thing to do is to keep a conversation going. I realize that. But, guys, let me tell you a secret. If a lady is talking to you, LET HER TALK! Taking an interest in what the other person has to say, is the second best aphrodisiac.

This is the first. 

And if all else fails, talk about the Olympics. There's like a hundred events, surely between the two of you, you can talk about at least ONE!

Like curling. WHAT IS CURLING?


4) The Art of Playful Banter

Guys, if you really want to help yourself, be honest and tell the girl you're interested. Unless you want to end up in the Friend Zone. I usually end up in the Friends With Benefits Zone. 

No idea why. 

The best way to show someone you're interested is flirty banter. Olympics are fertile ground for flirty banter. From the subtle "You're a gold medal in my book" to the more obvious "I'd like to practice curling with you". Or my personal favorite, "Who wants to ride this luge?"

Ladies?

5) When in doubt...

Also a great line: Yeah, I carried the torch in Atlanta. 
No biggie. 

And if none of these ideas work, then sit back, watch the Olympics, and don't worry. Trust me Ladies and Gents, the love bug usually strikes you when you least expect it. 

Like in the middle of a Triple Lutz Jump. 

If worst comes to worst, you at least get to watch a bunch of highly athletic people living their dream.

Pictured: Living the dream!

And just remember, they are totally getting some. Like, Olympic levels. 





Dan Landis is the star of the mystery series written by Jay Mims. Jay actually loves Curling, and wooed his wife because of it. Jay writes books and is far funnier on Facebook then in real life. He is terrible at Twitter. Feel free to email him here.


4 comments:

  1. Cool Runnings and chocolate cake in the same blog post is a winner for me ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Loved Cool Runnings! Still need to order myself a book, maybe I will get it for Singles Awareness Day. LOL

    ReplyDelete