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Thursday, April 4, 2013

I (may) have a cat....

Hello Gentle Readers,

I may have made a terrible mistake.

See, a while back my passive-aggressive Dalek roommate Steve, let me know that a stray cat was hanging around. Actually, what he said was, "THERE IS A CAT! IT MEOWS! EXTERMINATE!"

This was Steve's Halloween costume. 

And see, that's when the trouble really began. Because, and this may come as a complete shock to you, but I have a thing for animals. 

Oh sure, they're all smiles and happy expressions now. 
But just wait until they order weird PPV's and eat all your pizza rolls.

So, I went out, saw this little cat, and gave it a can of tuna. It's who I am. 

I am vengeance. I am the night. I am SOAKING MY CARES AWAY!

And naturally, the cat came back. Actually, it hid under my car and came rushing to me the next morning. And then waited for me to get home that night. I loved it. It was great. Not even Steve does that. 

Pictured: Steve's natural habitat

And then the cat started coming inside. I didn't invite it in. It just came over. Like that ex-girlfriend who just wants to "talk". And what was even weirder, the cat wanted to snuggle, too. 

It was about then that I started to get worried. See, I'm not that great at maintaining relationships. I had a pet rock for a while, until it ran away. And now, I had somehow acquired a cat. A cat that wouldn't leave. Who just wanted to cuddle, and ask me about my day, and maybe poop in my shoes when she got bored. 

Those shoes have seen some things, man. 

And of course, I couldn't just not take care of this cat. I mean seriously, it was homeless. And hungry. And adorable. I called her Eartha Kitty. 

For reasons best left unexplained. 

And then I talked to my neighbors. See, I'm not one to talk to my neighbors, given that I'm not legally required to introduce myself to them. 


So, it was with great trepidation that I spoke to my next door neighbor. They had a dog. Two dogs actually. Well, three dogs total, and a pig. My neighbors are a bit complicated.

They built a boat. 

And APPARENTLY, they also own several cats. One of which is an adorable black and white kitty they call Boots. Who looks suspiciously like Eartha Kitty. So much so that when I stared at the cat, it looked down shamefully. I'd been scammed ya'll. 

The cat also beat all my HALO high-scores.

So now, I just ignore Eartha Kitty. Oh, I may pet her every now and then, maybe call it a good kitty. But, I definitely do not own a cat. Steve, on the other hand...

Jay Mims has seen every episode of "Golden Girls", and can do a near perfect impression of Shaggy from "Scooby Doo". His current goal is to find Carmen Sandiego. He writes books and is far funnier on Facebook then in real life. He is terrible at Twitter. His next book "The Gray Ghost Inn" is due out Fall 2013. Feel free to email him here. Don't forget to subscribe to the blog for a regular dose of Mimsey.


  1. Hee hee...'Eartha Kitty.'

  2. Ah, how sad. You should really go get a cat. You'll not regret it...I hope!

    1. Well thank you! At the moment where I live doesn't allow pets, sadly. Maybe someday.

  3. putting a cat in a jar is cruel and evil