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Saturday, December 14, 2013

Somebody's Getting Married!

Hello Gentlereaders,

I'm often asked: What's the best way to maintain a healthy relationship? My answer: Meet a girl, don't date her for twelve years, find her again and then date, get engaged and get married within 12 months.

Oh, I should probably explain. I'm getting married today.

Let's just go ahead and play this song.

When I was but a young Mimsey, I met a girl named Chris. We were both taking the mandatory physical education course at college, which in this case meant we had to run a complete mile every morning at 8 AM in January, in the mountains. Yes, I went to college in the mountains. I majored in running shine with a minor in whittling. 

This was my advisor. 

Chris and I got along great. We stayed at the back of the line talking and laughing. She had just gotten over pneumonia and I was lazy. She told me interesting stories and I made her laugh. After graduation we promised to stay in touch. We didn't. 
This is Chris Winters. He always stays in touch. 
And makes this look good. 
I moved on, made new friends, had my heart broken a time or two. Chris went on to start her own business. It wasn't until two years ago that we reconnected, thanks to the strangest thing. 

Yep, I wrote a lighthearted murder mystery about a hapless detective who keeps stumbling over the bodies of Santas. And at my very first book signing, the girl named Chris showed up. Granted, she was on her way to a blind date and I was happily in a relationship, but it was nice to see her again. 

She didn't come to book 2's signing. 
I just wanted you to know it is widely available now.

In January of this year, my parents asked if I'd babysit. Well, dog sit. My parents refer to the dogs as their children, which leads to all sorts of uncomfortableness, being that I thought I was their favorite son. 
Well, I was recently single, and decided to ask if Chris wanted to go out to eat. Because my best dude friend had to work, and everyone else I know in the area is married. To the last resort!

What will happen when she reads that "last resort" joke.

Well, before I even got to her house, I was already lost. I own two GPS' and I still get lost. Granted, the first GPS once told me to continue straight thru a dead end. Thus, my best dude friend bought me the second GPS. I left it at home. It's how I roll. I stopped to ask directions, and apparently the staff of Old Navy are not known for their locational keen.

But, they did have a surprisingly diverse cast of creepy mannequins. 

Just as I was walking away in hopes of finding some other way of locating Chris' house (besides, you know, calling her) a customer stopped me. She knew vaguely where I was looking for, and helpfully gave me directions. I in turn promised her a signed copy of my book if this date went somewhere. She didn't really believe me. 

How can you doubt this face? 

Well, I found the girl named Chris, and even brought her flowers. We went to a comedy show and out to eat. We were in the midst of catching up when I hear someone say "Jay?" Which was weird, because I don't usually expect people to know me by my professional name. Usually people call me by my given name. 

Lo and behold, it was the lady from Old Navy. I couldn't believe it. In fact, I took that as a very good sign. And trust me kids, dates go a lot smoother when you think the person across from you might be someone special. Well, we dated thru Valentine's Day and made it as far as March before I knew this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I proposed, she said yes, I told my parents and they were relieved. I even wrote a long letter to her dad, asking for her hand. He was just glad that his daughter wasn't going to end up as a crazy cat lady.

With her own action figure and everything. 

After months of planning, the moving of two households, and the growing realization that it would have been easier to just elope, Chris and I are finally getting married. I hope you'll send us both all the warm and fuzzy feelings you can. And, if you'd like to give us a gift, please feel free to buy the latest copy of my book. 

I should probably point out the irony that, even though I started writing that book in the year prior to meeting Chris, I somehow created the character of a six foot tall blonde woman, who is a small business owner and....well, you'll just have to read the book to find out the rest.  

This song is incredibly true.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got an aisle to walk down. It's time to meet the Mimsus. 

Jay Mims is no longer on the market. He has moved into a slightly bigger house, but will still keep his passive-aggressive Dalek roommate named Steve, because Steve always pays his bills on time. He writes books and is far funnier on Facebook then in real life. He is terrible at Twitter. Feel free to leave your well-wishes in the comment section.


  1. Congrats Mimsey! Many happy years of love and...well, you'll see. ;) await you!

  2. Happy Happy news Jay! Remember to Live, Laugh and Love! ... Live your life like no one is watching... Laugh at the stupid shit... Love each other everyday, even the hard days.

  3. Congratulations, best wishes and everything beautiful for the two of you. May your years be many, happy and filled with love!!

  4. Congratulations!!!! Very sweet!!!! Wishing you many years of happiness!!!!

  5. Congratulations my friend! I hope you guys have many happy years together!!