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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Dan Landis' Ten More Tips For Being A Werewolf

Hello Gentle Readers,

Apparently you really like werewolves.

 And H.K. Savage. 
Who is not Aunt Becky from Full House. 
Even though she looks like her. 

To the point where this is the most popular post I've ever written. So, I thought, why not write some more about werewolves. It was either that or Aunt Becky.

Pictured: Not a werewolf. 

But, if I'm going to do that, I need to bring back the one and only Dan Landis. 

This is not Dan Landis. 
Hello Ladies, 
Werewolf? There wolf! There castle! Sorry, I couldn't resist. If there's one thing my years of hard work and discipline have taught me, it's that the second go round is that much better. 

And this time, I'll leave the hat on. 
Dan Landis' Ten More Tips For Being A Werewolf
1) The thermostat is your friend. You know what's even worse then a werewolf? An uncomfortable werewolf. So, why not turn up the heat, grab your favorite comforter, and snuggle. You might be a raging monster, but I bet you could still use a cuddle. 
This is also not Dan Landis
He'll be glad to cuddle.
2)  Look good, feel good. Let's be real here. You feel untamable, raging, and the last thing you want to do is put in the time and effort for personal grooming. To which I ask, do you want to be the monster everyone fears? Or do you want to be that beautiful beast everyone envies? 

It takes a lot of effort to get hair that messy. 

3) Apps aren't just for the birds: You know what's great about my phone? Besides the fact that I can hide any of my texts just by shaking it? Why, the calendar apps of course! That's right, you too can keep track of all the cycles: lunar, harvest, Schwinn.
Hey, if you are living with a ravenous beast that's regular;
surprise should be off the table.
4) Let your ravenous flag fly! How often are you going to have a chance to just go crazy and eat whatever you want? This is literally the most perfect excuse ever. "I need cake!" "Why?" "Because I will rip out your spleen!"
I use this for Day One. 

5) Work? I'm lycan it already! Look, we all know work bites even when you've not become an uncontrollable terror. But look on the bright side, chances are you work with non-werewolves. And this is going to be the one time where your one-lycan reign of terror will let you get away with ANYTHING!

Unless the majority of the office is werewolves. 
In which case any non-werewolf is busy elsewhere. 
Thanks to their APP!

6) If your loved ones can survive you at your worst...Hey you crazy kids! One of the advantages of being a werewolf once a month is that you really get a sense for the ones that love you. Because if they can love you as a werewolf then they are probably going to love you at your best. Or at the least are tolerating you because you pay half the rent. 

Pretty sure it's less "Both on the couch not talking" 
and more "One's playing on the interwebz while 
the other does all the laundry and seethes."

 7) Werewolves are terrible decision makers: I will be the first to say how much I appreciate having a werewolf in my life. However, let's be real. Werewolves can be seriously crazy. So, when in doubt, try to avoid making serious life decisions while you're in the "Howling at the moon" phase. 
 You know, I was going to make a joke about bad decisions. 
But, I got to be honest, I think this is a great idea. 
Also, Abbey walked in, took one look and said "Nice boots."
That's my Abs.
8) Work out those frustrations! You've got boundless energy, untapped rage and are threatening the life expectancy of everyone around you? What'll you do next? Hit the gym! Seriously, the best thing for you is to take some time, get some cardio in, and sweat some of those bad feelings out. 
If you think they're working up a sweat now...

9) Learn to love your inner Werewolf! It's important to remember, no matter what happens, you still have to live with you. So the first step to becoming a better werewolf is learning to love that monster inside you. Just, give yourself a big hug. Pretend it's from me. And remember, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you go through every month. It's natural. It's, dare I say it, supernatural.

These two will help you embrace your wild side. 

10) Reading is sexy! Since you have time to kill between menacing innocent peasants and depleting the world's supply of ibuprofen, why not take time to snuggle up to a good book?

And speaking of sexy reading, how about letting some madness into your life?

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