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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Thirty Years Of NeverEnding Story! A Very Mimsey Review...

Hello Gentle Readers,

Apparently, in celebration of my birthday, Weird Al released an album. It isn't the best birthday gift I've ever received, but it's definitely one of the nicer.

Also, let me go on record as saying: 
I want to own this outfit. 

And yet, that's not even the best birthday present I've ever received...
Thirty Years Of NeverEnding Story! Mimsey At The Movies

Just go ahead and press PLAY!

Thirty years ago sometime this month (dates are not my strong suit) the world was gifted with The NeverEnding Story and obviously the biggest question is: Does it hold up?

Like a BOSS!

Seriously, if you've never seen it, I think you would genuinely enjoy this transcendent fantasy. Why, you might ask? Let's start with the main character. 

Just kidding. It's the kid riding the dragon. 
But, can you imagine what kind of stories you could have
with a fancy hatted man and his racing snail?

Our story centers on lonely child Bastian Bux, who was apparently named by Stan Lee. He's bullied, hides in a book shop and discovers The Neverending Story. Yes, this is a movie about a book, that was adapted from a book about reading a book. If you're looking for mindless entertainment go elsewhere. We're gettin' serious!

This is my serious face. 

Bastian hides in his school's attic and begins reading about a world called Fantasia being threatened by something called "The Nothing". The Childlike Empress, who's like a far more adorable Emperor from Star Wars or slightly less adorable David Bowie from Labyrinth is dying. She has summoned a hero. 

Sadly no. 

Instead of a great hero, some dude named Atreyu shows up. He has a horse. Atreyu is given the medallion AURYN, and rides off on his horse to save the day. 

This is not Atreyu. 
This is Marshall Bravestarr
And his horse. 
Allow me to explain.

Actually, I'm being a bit more flippant about Atreyu then he deserves. Over the course of the movie, he demonstrates guts, integrity and endures incredible suffering. 
And an entire generation got PTSD. 

Atreyu eventually finds a giant talking turtle who is a bit bonkers. Crazy On A Half-Shell tells Atreyu that his Princess is in another castle. By luck, Atreyu is rescued and taken to where he needs to go. That luck comes in the form of a luck dragon. 

FALCOR!

Atreyu makes his way to the Southern Oracle, where he hopes to find the cure for the Childlike Empress. The Oracle is guarded by twin golden statues who will strike you down if they sense fear.

I recommend distracting with chocolates. 

Atreyu escapes these statues by....outrunning their lasers. Seriously, that's all he does. They go to zap him and he's like "HA HA!" I'm kind of sad Yakety Sax doesn't start playing. After his run, Atreyu finally gets to the Oracle who tells him the only solution is to give The Childlike Empress a name. But, only a human child can give her a new name. I would have gone with Bob. 

Behold, Empress Bob!

Atreyu and Falcor go tooling around, trying to find a child. A windowless van is not involved. Instead, the dynamic duo are separated, and Atreyu is forced to take on one of the most legitimately terrifying villains I've ever seen. Words don't do this thing justice.

This guy faces a horrifying terror with a rock and crazy eyes. 
He's my hero.

Atreyu and Falcor reunite, and travel to The Childlike Empress Bob who reveals that Atreyu has brought the human child to her. And didn't even need candy. Atreyu is confused, but Bob explains it was Bastian they needed the entire time. That's right, IT WAS YOU THE ENTIRE TIME!


Bastian, his mind completely blown, rushes to the window, screaming the Childlike Empress' new name into the stormy night!

BOB!

And lo, the bookworm saves the day. He can rebuild Fantasia by using his imagination, and maybe he could save the bookstores by actually buying a book. 

This for instance. 
Which you can pick it up at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Smashwords
The movie ends on what's perhaps the best example of purely condensed awesome ever captured on screen. Seriously, every movie would be improved 110% if it ended with the heroes riding dragons and chasing bullies. While the dragon laughs maniacally.
 Trust me Scarlett, Rhett can be won over by a Luck Dragon.
Stories have a special kind of magic all their own, and movies that can touch our hearts, lift our spirits and make us care about three-wheeling riding Rockbiters are a special story indeed. 
There's more pathos in this one scene then all four Twilight films.

And this very special film went on to have two more sequels. Were they any good? Well, that's another story...

I'm just kidding. They were TERRIBLE!

Jay Mims writes books, blogs, and thinks we should all do some KARAOKE! Jay lives with The Mimsus, a semi-adopted cat named Eartha Kitty, a lizard named Bob and a passive-aggressive Dalek named Steve. Jay is far funnier on Facebook then in real life. He is terrible at Twitter.  Jay now has a website.















2 comments:

  1. I own the second movie, but only because it came as a double feature with the first movie. I laughed aloud at the pic of Bastian screaming Bob. I had to read the book to figure out what he was actually saying--silly subtitles couldn't even figure that garbled mess out.

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    1. I think it was literally the book before I realized he was saying "Moonchild". Which, even as an adult who's completely accepting of unusual names---is still the weirdest Mom name ever.

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